At Radiance Restored, we believe that habitual, intentional acts of harm toward a spouse constitute abuse. Deception, manipulation, degradation, and deviant sexual behaviors result not only in a wife’s heartbreak but also in significant trauma. Radiance Restored believes that all women deserve a safe, secure marriage free from the cycle of abuse. God loves you. You are not alone. Hope and healing are possible.
*Radiance Restored does not provide or replace professional mental health services.
Discovering your husband has been regularly viewing pornography can be devastating. It is heartbreaking to learn that the chaste, faithful marriage you thought you had does not exist. Trust is broken. Shock, numbing out, bouts of crying, intense feelings of anger, and lashing out are common responses when a spouse’s problematic porn use is uncovered. What is important to remember is that his problematic porn use is NOT about you. It is important to seek counsel from clergy and professionals who understand this to avoid being re-traumatized. Problematic porn use and being intentionally deceived by your spouse is not a “marriage” problem, although it causes sometimes irreparable damage. You may feel like you can’t tell anyone. Many women who have experienced the trauma of discovering their spouse’s infidelity feel they cannot tell their families, friends, or church communities for fear their spouse will be judged. Sometimes, the spouse minimizes his behaviors and their impact on you. He may refuse to acknowledge the infidelity or abuse is a problem, invalidate your thoughts and feelings about it, or not be able to stop the problematic behavior. You need safety. We want to support you as you walk through the pain of betrayal and abuse.
Everyone needs to feel loved and appreciated, especially by our spouses. The pain of living with a spouse who chooses to ignore problems and minimizes the consequences of his actions is a heavy cross. To change destructive patterns in your marriage, it is important to address the harmful behaviors and set boundaries. Learning assertiveness skills, receiving spiritual direction, and understanding what you can and cannot change are helpful tools on the recovery journey. Releasing the need for control and surrendering your spouse to the Lord may bring solace. Yet you should never stay in an unsafe situation. Your and your children’s safety are primary concerns. Call the national abuse hotline at 800-799-7233 or text BEGIN to 88788.
If you believe you are in an abusive situation or have discovered infidelity, you should seek help from qualified professionals. It is important to find a person, or two, who have experience in sexual betrayal and abuse. Well-intentioned mental health professionals and clergy who are “trauma-informed” but not aware of this type of insidious harm can retraumatize victims. You should never be made to feel that the burden is on you to fix your spouse. You need support, healing, and care. Radiance Restored retreats offer a validating, affirming experience to women who experience abuse and betrayal.
Healing from abuse and betrayal is a challenging journey, often marked by invalidation and confusion. You are believed. You are valued. You are loved. At Radiance Restored, we understand the pain of betrayal and abuse. Your experience is validated. It may be tempting to focus on your spouse’s behavior instead of the impact his behavior has had on you. To process this trauma, you need support. Taking time and space from your spouse to regain emotional, psychological, and spiritual regulation can help you better discern, identify, and care for your needs. If you are divorced but still feel trapped by resentment and bitterness, it is time to focus on healing your heart. Finding a mental health professional who understands betrayal trauma and support groups for women is critical to the healing journey. Our Radiance Restored retreat offers an opportunity for you to find hope and healing, reconnect with yourself, and experience the unconditional love of our Heavenly Father.
As Christian women, we are often taught to love sacrificially, to believe the best in others, and to uphold our commitments even in times of hardship. These are holy virtues. But when that love is betrayed, especially in a covenantal relationship like marriage, the pain touches every layer of your being: your sense of safety, your identity, your faith, and even your relationship with God. The Lord calls us to truth, freedom, and healing. He can redeem all things, yes—but that redemption often begins with opening our eyes, naming the abuse, and stepping toward wholeness.
This is often a burning question and one only you can answer. At Radiance Restored, we encourage women to seek wise counsel from trusted spiritual directors and mental health professionals who understand betrayal trauma. Radiance Restored retreats offer time and space for discernment. You deserve to be loved and cherished. God sees your pain. He desires your dignity to be preserved and upheld. He is not indifferent to your suffering.
Understanding the cycle of abuse is the first step in breaking free. Healing is possible. With the right support—therapeutic, spiritual, and communal—you can rebuild your life in truth and dignity.
Your story matters. Your heart matters. God has not forgotten you.
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